This time last week, a 6 month “anniversary” snuck right by me.
5 months ago, I wouldn’t have fathomed the possibility of that date passing by without noticing.
For 6 months we have survived.
But more than surviving, we’ve had fun and by some miracle we’ve made it through this. Me and Miles. Side by side.
I like to think this pregnancy has helped by making the time WOOOSH by. And by giving me something to focus on. Something beyond the empty spot in my bed. The empty chair at the dinner table, and the naked finger on my left hand.
I’ve been focusing on so much more than those things.
We’ve been playing hard and resting even harder.
I’ve become more grateful for the patience and acceptance my little 3 year old has. For his good attitude and for what an, overall, well behaved boy he is.
But I still can’t ignore that 6 months have passed.
I wonder what the limitations are on saying this situation is “new” for us. I still tell people it “just happened.” it feels like it JUST HAPPENED. my heart is still raw, the wounds are still so fresh. Yet, a week ago 6 months have passed. And I didn’t even notice.
Instead I noticed how incredibly smart Miles has become. I’ve noticed his amazing memory, as he recalls vivid details of a building he hasn’t been to or see since he was 20 months old. I’ve noticed that I have 2 months left before I reunite this little guy in my tummy with his mommy and daddy. I’ve noticed the sun shining through trees, instead of dark bleary winter we are used to. I’ve noticed blessings pouring onto us. More than we deserve. I’ve noticed friends taking care of us. Inviting us over for play time. Inviting me out to dinner. I’ve noticed tighter hugs as Miles whispers in my ear, “I missed you so much at dada’s house.” I’ve noticed his cuddling and his laughter. Our moments together are so much sweeter. For both of us.
I’ve noticed so much more than 6 months of being alone.
And I think THAT is what this is really about.