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“At least he doesnt have a peanut allergy”

“At least he doesn’t have a peanut allergy.”

That phrase is said to me AT LEAST once a day.

I’m feeling frustrated/overwhelmed/whoa-is-me lately about Miles’s food allergies. Or maybe not “his” food allergies, maybe just food allergies in general. It may be just because I am more sensitive to it, but people just don’t get it.

I day dream about going to a restaurant and asking Miles if he wants a hamburger or chicken strips for dinner. Instead, I pack a whole meal for him for an hour before we leave.

Don’t read me wrong, I am not upset about his allergies. I don’t dread doing those things. But I think a lot about “Do other parents realize how easy they have it.”

(But in retrospect, do I realize how easy I have it? I have a child who is healthy, can walk, can talk and has a roof over his head, food in his belly and loving parents..)

I digress, food allergies are HARD, yo!

I love this article that Katie wrote, it sums up how I feel so much. One of the comments really struck me (almost bringing me to tears)

Drayre says:
I feel terrible for parents of kids who have severe food allergies. Do they ever feel that their kids are safe? Even with bans on peanut or nut products in school can you really trust that every parent is going to respect that mandate and not send their kids with a PB&J? or a peanut butter cookie?

NO! a big huge NO! I NEVER feel like Miles is safe. EVER. I question everyone, everything that goes into is mouth is looked at by me. I am worried always. I can never let my guard down.

It was easier when he was little. I controlled everything, but now he’s older. He walks around, he can reach things, open the pantry door and wants what all the other kids have.

We work tirelessly on what has “allergy.” If you were ever in a grocery store with my  2 year old you would be shocked at the amount of things he can point out that have “allergy.” We live around the corner from his hospital, we pass it daily. He reminds us every time that it is the “owie tummy hosbible,” we in turn reiterate “What give you an owie tummy.” He answers “allergy.”  My two year old. My two year old has to know what he can eat and what he can’t eat, and he has to know if he eats something wrong, he has to go to the “owie tummy hosbible” I hate that. So much, for him.

but at the same time, I take a deep breath and remember, there are 2 year olds on chemo. There are 2 year olds waiting for organ transplants. My kid just cant eat stuff, no big deal. I try to remind myself a lot, but this still sucks for us, here and now.

I am SO grateful my parents “get it.” My mom reads everything so closely, and then asks me to read it. Since they live with us, I am glad I can rest a little easier knowing they understand. But I still check, “Is that his butter you used on the bread?” “Did you touch that spoon to our food?” “Don’t feed him off your fork.” “Don’t let him touch that, it touched cheese.”

It never ends.

“At least he doesn’t have a peanut allergy.”

He does. He does have a peanut allergy. But more than that, his dairy allergy is equivalent to a severe peanut allergy. So I say “He does have a peanut allergy, but it’s not very severe. His dairy allergy is as severe as the peanut allergies everyone is afraid of.” Which is always followed by “Thank goodness his peanut allergy isn’t that bad, could you imagine?” YES, i can imagine! THAT is what is dairy allergy is like. He has the WORST dairy allergy his allergist has ever seen. But for some reason, people don’t see that as a big problem. But it’s okay.

Sometimes I answer with “Yes, he actually does have a peanut allergy, and a dairy allergy, and an egg allergy and a soy allergy, and a rice allergy, and an oat allergy, and a chicken allergy and a turkey allergy.”

That usually shuts them up..

My (then) 8 month old baby 5 minutes into his 1st allergy test... 

3 more months before we head to the allergist for another testing.. …

His Eyes..

Miles has these eyes. Eyes that melt my soul.

But also eyes that draw attention everywhere we go. Big eyes like mommy, crystal blue eyes like daddy. The best of both of us.

We have NEVER been out in public without someone commenting on his blue eyes. Usually it’s elderly men and women. But it can be teenagers, new mom’s, middle aged women, or men in suits, those blue eyes catch everyone.

Everytime someone stops us to talk about his eyes, I laugh, thank them and tell them how much we love those eyes too.

But as they walk away, I think about them. About what they were thinking about when they saw Miles.

The other day we had an influx of business men in suits (at Wendy’s) smile at him as he was eating.  I started wondering if they had a little boy at home they were missing, or was their little boy all grown up now and they were remembering how sitting with a two year old at Wendy’s seemed like just yesterday for them.

I can always see it in their eyes. It’s not just a simple smile at a boy with beautiful blue eyes, its a longing for more or a sudden memory that hits them.

I always hope it’s a good memory, or that smile they shared with Miles will make them rush home a little faster after work to hugs their child they may have been missing.

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of comments about his beautiful  eyes….