I love my archives.
HECK, I love archives PERIOD! I spend hours getting lost in her archives, and thinking, “Wow, I remember when Racecar and Ariel we’re that little. I’ve been reading that long?”
The other night, I probably spent 6 HOURS mesmerized by her archives. Re-reading her birthstory for maybe the 5th time.
I LOVE ARCHIVES.
And I love getting lost in my own.
This time i took a tour around my draft posts. Those post I start, but they just don’t end up in the direction I intend them to go, so I just hit save and close out the window.
Sometimes there is something in there that get’s me..
Written almost exactly one year ago:
I have been a mother for 14 months 6 days and 4 hours.
But that doesn’t mean much. I almost want to start over.
Today. Today I became a mother. Today was the first time I have ever readied myself and Miles to leave the house, and left alone. Today was the first time I have ever spent ALL DAY just the two of us. No helping hands, no one to get a diaper for me, or remember the diaper bag when we left the house.
I got us up, got us fed, showered, dressed and both of us went to work. We came home, we made dinner, ate dinner and did bathtime. All by ourselves. Bedtime, well that’s another story, but we’re still trying.
Does the feeling of wanting to start over ever go away?? I still feel like that and I’ve been a mother now for 25 months, 11 days and 6 minutes.
I think that passage I wrote in February of last year hit me so hard because I remember that girl so well.
For HER to get HER baby out of the house and do an entire day solo was A MIRACLE.
Truth: I have only done that 1 time since.
There have only been 2 times in 2 years, 1 months, 11 days and 6 minutes that I have EVER gotten Miles and Myself dressed and out of the house in the morning. SOLO.
But, I AM A MOTHER.
I am HIS mother, and I think today, I actually appreciate that. THAT girl, up there, didn’t.