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My Journey to Surrogacy (Part 2)

Continuation from Part 1 of  My Journey…  (For Part 1: Click Here!)

Are you still there? I look at my phone to make sure it’s still counting minutes.
“I’m here” he says, I can tell he’s crying.
OH MY GOSH!! you’re gay!! You’re gay, aren’t you???” my fear/sadness turns quickly. I asked him excitedly.
He reiterates, “this is harder to say to you than it was to tell my parents.”
“your kidding, right?” I laugh at him.
YOU’RE KIDDING, right????

It just comes to me and flows naturally
“J, I love you. I will always love you. I don’t care if you’re
gay. Good for you. But this doesn’t change us one single bit. You’re
still my J. We will always have our glasses, shucks, and bowling
(I would give a million dollars for you all to hear him say “shucks”
while wearing his glasses. Thinking about it still melts my gay loving
heart into a GIANT puddle.)

That was it. I had my first ever openly gay friend. My first love
could always be my love. We have such a different love.

He’s so happy now. Everything my heart has always wanted for him. He has.

I hung up the phone that day after we had a few good laughs and immediately thought. He needs a family.
Immediately. It was the first thought that crossed my mind.

That wasn’t the first time the thought of surrogacy crossed my mind, but it wouldn’t be the last.  What better gift could I share with someone? If someone needed help moving, if someone needed help watching their kids so they could run an errand.  I’d be there. I’d help.
So why wouldn’t I help if someone needed help bringing their child into the world? I am able. I would never say no.

My heart needs this. My heart needs to help a family have their child. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.

Is he the reason? No, not entirely. But I think about him a lot on this journey.
I think about a lot of my friends. Friends that have struggled. I see their pain but will never know the feeling.

I think about “my IP’s” A LOT. (IP is surrogacy talk for “Intended Parents.” In other words, the parents of the child I will be carrying. You’ll see that a lot here, SOON!) I think about my IP’s Multiple times a day. I see my friends pain, I know my IP’s have this pain. Their pain, their grief is so deep. And we’re so close.

I pray multiple times a day for them to be comforted and filled with peace.
We’re so close.
They’ve, more than likely, waited SO LONG. and now, we’re maybe months away from meeting each other.
We’re so close.
Their baby is so close.

I can feel it.
Is that weird? My heart is so open. So ready for them.

I want everyone to know this wasn’t a venture I entered into lightly.
That day on the phone with J was 11 years ago. And that wasn’t the first time  I had thought about it. This has always been a part of me. A part of my heart.
I’ve prayed. (isn’t that the standard Mormon answer?)
I’ve prayed a lot. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that it’s MY time.
That my IP’s are so close. I can feel it.

This baby (or babies!!) is ready. And waiting. How can I deny them that?

Will this be easy?? No. It won’t be. I know it’ll be hard. I know it won’t be sunshine and roses all the time. There will be a lot of waiting, a lot of medications and ultimately 10 months of pregnancy followed by (HOPEFULLY) a natural birth. While taking care of my family and my home. But God is bigger than that. HE knows why I’m doing this. He knows it’s because of Him. This is His plan. Not mine or ours. The way it should be. It won’t be easy. (cliche ahead)


Do you remember holding your baby for the first time? I can’t wait to see them hold their baby for the first time. That feeling. I can’t wait to witness it. THEIR baby. Don’t ever forget that. THEIR baby.

Will I get attached? If you were with someone 24 hours a day for 10 months, wouldn’t you? Absolutely I expect to get attached. But could you even imagine reuniting that person with their family after that long apart? The tears if joy you’d shed for them?

I can’t wait to reunite them.
To make  their family whole.

I can’t wait.


  1. Amazing story my friend. And you are an amazing person. Not just anyone can do what you are willing to do. I am so excited for you and the future parents. YAY.

  2. Love this story! So inspiring and yay for your IPs–they are getting one fabulous surrogate! :)

  3. Tears, that’s all I can say. xoxo

  4. Very cool Ry..the funny thing is that since I knew the first part of the story, I imagined that you were going to have a baby for J.. ha ha! Maybe someday right? :)

    • Oh Kristin. I WISH!! You have no idea how badly I wish!
      Before I started with my agency I sent him this random 2am text that said something like “If you EVER want a baby, you know I’ll have one for you, right?”
      LOL! it was so random and out of the blue! :)
      He better let me! :)

  5. Wow! You are amazing. I love it!!

  6. I think its amazing what you are doing and that it has been in your heart for so long. You are good people, Ryley!

  7. I enjoyed reading your story. I am wondering if you have some advice. I am looking into surrogacy. I’ve struggled with infertility for years with 5 IVFs and other procedures. My fertility journey has recently come to an end when I learned I had cancer. I lost my uterus to it. I don’t feel comfortable with agencies. The idea of a “middle man” making a profit off of my (and my husband’s) misfortune and nine months of hard work on the part of surrogate is repellant to me. I realize a lawyer would need to be involved and their worked payed for, but an agency just feels fundamentally wrong. Any ideas for finding the right person without the ‘middle man’?

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