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My Journey to Surrogacy (Part 1)

It was a Wednesday. (but the day if the week doesn’t matter) everyday of high school was the same.
Get to school, drop off everything in our lockers and head out to breakfast.
Everyday was the same.

Today started like every other day. We went to breakfast then headed up the canyon to go four wheeling. Today it was just the two of us.
Just me and him.

My feet sat on the rusty floor board of his old Ford Bronco. It felt like home. I smiled knowing this I’d where I belonged. Next to him.
In that car.
In that canyon.
At 10am on a Wednesday morning.
This is where I belong.

We turned the corner into the muddy part of the side road we were on. He gunned it. We went splashing and slopping down the bumpy, oh so bumpy “road.” I grabbed the bar above the glove compartment and laughed. He always knew how to scare me just to the brink of tears then back off. I was never really scared. I trusted him with my everything.
We were getting to my favorite part of the canyon when suddenly the Tim McGraw song “Something Like That” came on the radio. He looked over at me and smiled. That smile always melted me.
The look we shared was epic. He turned it up. LOUD. We sang at the top if our lungs.
“It was Labor day weekend, I was seventeen,I bought a coke and some
gasoline,and I drove out to the county fair.When I saw her for the
first time…”
We smiled, laughed and couldn’t stop that special smile we shared.
That moment.
Forever ingrained in my head.

That moment, that smile, that boy.
By the chorus it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I love him. I LOVE HIM. my heart almost jumped to my throat so full of
love. He was all I needed. That smile confirmed it.

He was my everything through everyday of high school. My best friend.
We never went a day without talking. We spent so much time together.
He was my everything.

Nothing ever went past best friend status.

2 years later:

My phone rings on the way home from my boyfriends grandmas house.
We’re in rush hour traffic, perfect time to talk to my best friend.
I answer SO excited to talk to him.
His tone is serious, too serious.

“I need to talk to you,” he squeaks out.
“Oh my gosh, YES! anything I’m here for you, you know that.” I assure him.I look over at my boyfriend with a worried look on my face. He mouth ‘what?’ and I shrug my shoulders but I can feel my heart beating faster.
I’m worried.
“I have to tell you something, but I can’t”
“Sure you can. You can tell me anything. You know I”ll always love you” I’m assuring him, feeling terrified in my heart and trying to figure out what could be wrong. The tension is so tight you almost couldn’t see through it.
“I can’t say it to you.” he tells me.
“It’s harder for me to say to you than to anyone else. I can’t say it out loud.”
So I start guessing…
“your parents are getting divorced?”
“you did something bad?”
“you got someone pregnant?”
I went on and on, he just kept answering no and asked me to keep guessing.
Saying over and over again that he just can’t tell me. “it’s going to kill me to tell you.” he said.
I look over at my boyfriend who can hear everything going on.
He can tell I’m upset. My eyes are filling quickly and about to overflow with tears.
He mouths “is he gay??
I give him the worst look and actually shout NO!
J could hear him saying something and asks what that was about. I tell him, “nothing”. But he insists.
I half laugh as I say “he wanted me to guess; you’re gay.”
He’s silent. More than silent.

To be continued in PART 2  of  My Journey... (Part 2) (Click here for Part 2)


  1. Well I already know because of Twitter but I still want to hear the rest of the story!!

  2. This story had me on the edge of my seat. So well written. Can’t wait to read the next part!

  3. Well, I’m filling in the blanks from what I know, but it makes it no less intriguing!! I’m excited to read the rest, but just know that even though we haven’t been close in the last while that I’m happy for you if you’re happy!

  4. Love your writing style in this post! Can’t wait to hear the rest.

    Kelly @ http://www.justthestork.blogspot.com


  1. […] My heart is SO full with surrogacy right now. I want to advocate, I want to educate. I want surrogacy to be my everything right now. […]

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