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..Is one of the best feelings in the world

My email crashed last week.

It wasn’t fun.

But when we finally resurrected it I came across every email I have ever saved since 2004. It was a lot of emails, and a nice trip down memory lane.

Some of the very first emails between me and my husband we’re funny, and cute, but mostly just funny. We were nerds. Nerds who dwelled to much on stupid things. Oh, if only we knew then what we know now, oh wait.. We’d still know nothing!

Not my point.

It was a little flash of how far we’ve come and simultaneously how far we’ve fallen lately.

Take a trip down memory lane with me

Him: Really don’t know what I would do without you. Sorry to say but you complete me right now.

{Please also note the date of the following emails is March 26. Our first official date was March 6th! Move fast much?} {Related : Welcome to Utah!}

Me: why are you sorry to say that? I’m so glad your happy, and I’m glad your complete! it makes me feel really good that I can offer that to you. I’m still really scared of letting you down, and not being what you need. but for now, I’m really glad your happy!

Him: Well I just didn’t think you wanted to hear that from me, and don’t worry about letting me down because you cant.

Me: I have the feeling that I’m going to let you down..and fail you.. and not be the kind of person you need me to be.. I feel like I try so hard to be perfect for you.. but sometimes I think I’m just doing it for you.. and not for me.. and I hate that. I want to be a better person for myself

{A lot of what I am referring to here is the conversion I went through while dating him. The only thing that would make marriage possible (for us, not judging anyone, just what we really wanted to have accomplished before getting married.))

Him: You are what I need, and don’t worry about letting me down because you are everything I need.I could wait forever. That’s how much you mean to me.


And I kinda did make him wait forever. At least in Utah time. It was FORREEEVER. But we waited. We made it through. We both became the people we needed each other to be. We pushed each other hard. We worked hard and battled so much a long the way.

We lost friends. Well, I lost friends. One of the best friends I had ever had. We fought with family. We battled around every corner. Have you ever heard that the opposition is strongest when you are trying to do what it right?

That one phrase couldn’t have been more true in our engagement and dating. We were fighting opposition daily. So many times we just had to block it out, just let it go. Pretend it didn’t get to us.

A few months later I poured out my heart to him in yet another email and said this.

To Him: Being able to be yourself and know that you are loved for you, is one of the best feelings in he world. I hope one day, as I grow and become a better person, I can return the favor and make you want to be stronger and better. If we are able to feed off each others testimonies and strengths I think our weaknesses will slowly fade away.

What plans I had for our life. What hope I had for our future. That hope is still there. Even though as the years go by we seem to become less of an example for each other, and our testimonies aren’t feeding off each other like they really should. But I know it won’t last long. We are still stronger than we were back then. Just not the perfection we both strive to be. Isn’t that what is so great about life, and love? You are constantly in motion, constantly changing.

But one this is for sure, “Being able to be yourself and know that you are loved for you, is one of the best feelings in the world.”

And we are both so loved by each other. One of the best feelings in the world.


  1. I usually don't like sleeved wedding gowns (I know you have to wear sleeves, I'm just crazy about lines on gowns), but yours was GORGEOUS!

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