My heart feels so conflicted these days.
I have passion.
That has never been something I lacked. Whether it’s a passion for something positive though, has always been the problem.
I had a passion for getting in trouble in elementary school (HECK, preschool .. I once told my preschool teacher not to talk to me like that because I had a belt in my cubby. Oh yes, I did!)
I had a passion for good grades… once.
I had a passion for skipping school, a passion for teaching, a passion for children.
But most recently my passion grew into my cake business.
It has been a fantastic outlet for my passion. It provides supplemental income for my family. It makes me feel important and wanted. It gives me a hobby. I love it. (Truthfully, I love it ‘most’ of the time.)
But my heart is torn.
My heart is SO full with surrogacy right now. I want to advocate, I want to educate. I want surrogacy to be my everything right now.
I took a hiatus from my cake business. At first it started with a (rare!) 2 weeks with NO ORDERS! I was scared at first. Then realized it might be nice. Then, I started turning down orders. First it was a cake I didn’t really have time to do. (I could have made time) Then it was a cake I didn’t really want to do. A cupcake order I didn’t feel like making, and it just snowballed. I didn’t fill one single order in April. I didn’t bake one cake, or one cupcake.
I rationalized it all to myself.
“I have to make a lot of short notice trips to LA, I shouldn’t plan any cakes.”
“I don’t know when the IVF will be. I should plan any cakes”
“What if I’m on bed rest?” “What if it’s a difficult pregnancy”
Really, I just wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to do this. I didn’t want to fog my brain with cakes. I needed to focus on being a happy healthy environment to grow this couples child(ren).
SO, I made the decision. I would (of course!) keep the commitments I had through September. I have 4 cakes on my books through the end of September. But, I wouldn’t be taking anymore. At least not until this surrogacy journey is over. Then I’ll decide if I want to crank things back up and get the business going again.
That day I decided to hang it all up and call it quits….. I received 5!!!!!! cake orders. I didn’t turn down a single one.
And they haven’t stopped coming in.
I’m taking this as God’s sign that I’m not done.
That He is telling me I have room enough in my heart for both passions. I can grow a family for an amazing couple and still make brides’ dreams come true.
I can do both.
I am trusting WHOLE HEARTEDLY in His plan. Because it IS NOT mine.
But the best plans sometimes aren’t.. right?
The cake that started it all. My first cake I EVER made was my own wedding cake. From there..That’s My Cake! was born! (and why yes, that is a shark tank behind us. Did I ever tell you about that one time I got married at an aquarium?? Good story!)