I promised..

I promised myself that before CBC came, I would be a stronger blogger. I would stop worrying about what I’m talking about and just talk.

Then life gets in the way. You work 10 hour days. You leave before your family is awake and you get home in just enough time to give your son a quick bath and tuck him into bed.

You throw together something edible for dinner then sit bleary eyed staring at your computer while you think about how you can see the clumps of mascara on your eyelashes. So you start picking it off. But you just switched mascara and no instead of being dry and crumbly when you pick it off its gooey and sticky and just makes your eyelashes stick together more, then OH LOOOK over there, it’s twitter and facebook and everyone’s blogs. And then its time for bed.

Every. Single. Night.

Yet all day I day dream about the kind of posts I want to right.

Someone asked me if I have ever written about my breastfeeding and pumping journey. I haven’t, but I should. Not very many people give up breastfeeding for pumping and stick with it for 16 months and aim for 24 months. Not very many. But I’d like to be a support to those that want too.

(oh man, my mascara is currently doing that clumpy-make-all-the-lashes-stick-together thing. and its all I can see..)

I really want to write a better birth story. I am amazed at the details I still remember after 16 months. The one I wrote did our birth no justice at all.

I want to talk most about how horrible those first few months were for me. And how everyone tells you that its okay to ask for help but you still think you’re okay, until you realize you aren’t.

I want to write a post DEVOTED to all the women who email me (a stranger) after I left one little comment on one little blog. This community is amazing.

I want to talk more about my husband’s role as a stay at home dad (turned work at home dad thanks to his AMAZING new business.

I want to get more spiritual SO BADLY. We are struggling right now with our religion. Let me rephrase that; Our faith, Our testimony and our love for the gospel is NOT struggling. We are struggling to live our lives the way we know He wants us to. We are struggling to be the son and daughter that our Father in heaven deserves. We are struggling. He is not. I admire people like Nie and Cjane for being so open an honest about their religion and not offering any apologies. I need to be more like them. I want to shout it from the rooftops just like them. If for nothing more than to help me.

I want to post my recipes every now and then. I have blossomed into my own with these diet restrictions. The sky is the limit and I’d love to share some of my successes with you.

I just want to write.

But I can’t stop day dreaming about him…