WOW.. what an amazing whirlwind I’ve been in lately.

So when I left off, we had just gone to LA for our psychological and medical screening.

I briefly mentioned that the agency had a couple already in mind for us. (one they were “holding” for us.) So we were in a HUGE hurry to move things along for this couple.

The agency sent me their profile the SECOND I landed back in LA. My finger have never been so shaky opening an email, I screamed for everyone to come in because IT WAS HERE!!!

I clicked.

Waited for the download..

Then DEVOURED every word. Well, that’s not entirely true. I read it, FAST. Reading everything top to bottom in record time. My stomach filled with butterflies, my arms covered in goose bumps. Then I stopped, took my first breath. And SLOWLY returned to read every word, letting every thought really sink in.

I just couldn’t believe that we had the chance to work with this couple. Everything about them was SO PERFECT for me and for us.
(There is one little part of the story that sealed the deal for me and brought tears to my eyes. It was the name of the father. (something I will not be sharing..) but that names means SOOO much to me. And was my reason for starting this journey. I KNEW it was perfect and meant to be.)

I’m pretty sure I may have set the world record for the fastest person ever to reply back “YES, I LOVE THEM!!!”

My case manager responded right back and let me know she had just sent them my profile.

uh oh.. my happy loving butterflies turned into an INCREDIBLY nauseous feeling. MY PROFILE!!!!

Crap, Crap, Crap!! I wrote that profile in OCTOBER (it was now May) What did I say? What did I joke about? Would they understand the humor and the jokes. I was suddenly TERRIFIED knowing they have the option to pass on me. This PERFECT family could pass on me.

I asked my case manager to send me a copy of my profile, I read it. Critiqued it and paced around A LOT!

I knew it would be 2 days before I heard anything more from them. So I tried to keep myself occupied. (hint: it didn’t work!!)

I checked the clock on my phone to see what time it was where they lived, wondering when they’d FINALLY get to their email. What if they weren’t manic email checkers like me????

Less than 24 hours later we got the email that they loved us too!!!!

Not only did they love us, but we’d be flying BACK out to LA to meet them in LESS THAN 2 WEEKS! Oh My Wow!!!

We were so ready (and hadn’t unpacked yet (BONUS!))

The day after Memorial Day we were off to meet the family that (we hoped) would change our lives forever…

To be continued… (SOON, I promise.. SORRY!!!)

It’s time for an update on the surrogacy front. Right??

When the thought came to me in early October that it was “time,” I didn’t do a lot of research on Surrogacy Agencies. It was about 10 o’clock at night and I just started googling looking for agencies that dealt with Surrogates in Utah.

The first one the popped up looked good. Nice website, I thought.(I ALWAYS judge a company on their website.) It seemed like a larger company and I had heard the name somewhere before.

There was a tab to fill out an application so I filled one out. Not a lot of thought went into it.
I trudged along with that agency but after meetings and phone calls with them, something just didn’t feel right. They were great and nice people but my gut was just telling me that it wasn’t right. I couldn’t explain it then, and still cant explain it. But in this “industry” a gut feeling is sometimes all you have to tell you that something is right or not right.

After 6 months with them (and VERY little progress) I started looking at my options. I made friends with a  surrogate that lived near my home town in California and we talked often about her agency. She was SO happy with them, and she had EVERYTHING I wanted with an agency.

About a month ago, I wrote an email to them. Trying to explain the best I could how I was feeling and what I was looking for in an Agency.  Instantly, everything felt SO RIGHT. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

So, I broke up with the agency I started with and I am starting ALL OVER with a new agency. It’s difficult for me since I already invested so much time with the other agency that I feel like I’m back peddling.
But my new agency has been AMAZING at making me feel comfortable and welcome. And not making me repeat too many of the things I already had to do. So… we’re starting over!

As I mentioned before, Utah’s law is a little rough to deal with. Most of this agencies clients are homosexual men, or single parents. So finding me a married heterosexual couple might prove a little harder and might take a  little more time..   Luckily, they may already have the perfect couple for me!!!

This week they flew myself and my husband to LA for a few things. I was HORRIBLY sick in the 2 weeks leading up to the trip but did EVERYTHING possible to feel better before going. (SERIOUSLY, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, including but not limited to:  Sleeping in frozen socks and putting garlic cloves in my ears..)

Amazingly, I felt pretty good the morning we flew out, but  OF COURSE, it hit Aaron.
So what I had hoped would be an fun getaway to LA together turned into me sitting in a hotel room while he slept. Sigh…. But it’s okay because the meetings we had were all so great.

First, We meet with counselors in downtown LA and had some good talks. About us, and what to expect on our journey. I was nervous, but not overly nervous. The counselor excused herself a couple times and I freaked out every time she left. Wonder if I was talking to much or saying the wrong things.. Aaron assured me I wasn’t!

We walked around among the skyscrapers and sat under palm trees. All the while amazed that this was really happening. (oh, and that there was SUN!!! it was 40* in Utah!) We ate lunch OUTSIDE!!! (big deal!) Then headed to our hotel in Pasadena. (Which we didn’t realize was almost an hour drive, but we both had a nice nap in the car!)

I finally convinced Aaron that we at least needed to go out to dinner while there and he was such a good sport to suck it up and act like he felt okay.

The following day we were all ready to head to the fertility specialist. He is SUCH a great doctor and a nice guy. I may be easily impressed but the doctor himself came to get us from the waiting room then took us into his office to explain everything to us. He stayed with us for a long time and really took his time. I was so great.  I’m excited to work with him. They did some normal gynecological tests then filled my uterus with saline to expand it and preformed an ultrasound to check for any abnormalities. Not the most pleasant thing I’ve ever has done. But it wasn’t too bad. Besides a small polyp (that he wasn’t worried about) he said everything looked great and gave me the ALL CLEAR!!
We had planned on going out to a nice breakfast after our appointment so hadnt had anything to eat yet, so when we walked into the lab and saw 12 vials that needed to be filled with our blood, we got a little nervous. Thankfully they were prepared with juice and snacks!
Now, we wait for the official  letter of medical clearance and the letter of psychological clearance. Once we have that, the matching process can begin.

I have a feeling it won’t be too long before I’m boarding another plane out to LA to meet the parents.

Just, next time. I don’t want either of us to be sick. :)

So.. There we are. Waiting. A LOT of this journey will be spent waiting. But I’m okay with that. Because I know after all of that waiting comes a baby or maybe even BABIES!!!!

Continuation from Part 1 of  My Journey…  (For Part 1: Click Here!)

Are you still there? I look at my phone to make sure it’s still counting minutes.
“I’m here” he says, I can tell he’s crying.
“OH MY GOSH!! you’re gay!! You’re gay, aren’t you???” my fear/sadness turns quickly. I asked him excitedly.
He reiterates, “this is harder to say to you than it was to tell my parents.”
“your kidding, right?” I laugh at him.
YOU’RE KIDDING, right????

It just comes to me and flows naturally
“J, I love you. I will always love you. I don’t care if you’re
gay. Good for you. But this doesn’t change us one single bit. You’re
still my J. We will always have our glasses, shucks, and bowling
shoes”
(I would give a million dollars for you all to hear him say “shucks”
while wearing his glasses. Thinking about it still melts my gay loving
heart into a GIANT puddle.)

That was it. I had my first ever openly gay friend. My first love
could always be my love. We have such a different love.

He’s so happy now. Everything my heart has always wanted for him. He has.

I hung up the phone that day after we had a few good laughs and immediately thought. He needs a family.
Immediately. It was the first thought that crossed my mind.

That wasn’t the first time the thought of surrogacy crossed my mind, but it wouldn’t be the last.  What better gift could I share with someone? If someone needed help moving, if someone needed help watching their kids so they could run an errand.  I’d be there. I’d help.
So why wouldn’t I help if someone needed help bringing their child into the world? I am able. I would never say no.

My heart needs this. My heart needs to help a family have their child. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.

Is he the reason? No, not entirely. But I think about him a lot on this journey.
I think about a lot of my friends. Friends that have struggled. I see their pain but will never know the feeling.

I think about “my IP’s” A LOT. (IP is surrogacy talk for “Intended Parents.” In other words, the parents of the child I will be carrying. You’ll see that a lot here, SOON!) I think about my IP’s Multiple times a day. I see my friends pain, I know my IP’s have this pain. Their pain, their grief is so deep. And we’re so close.

I pray multiple times a day for them to be comforted and filled with peace.
We’re so close.
They’ve, more than likely, waited SO LONG. and now, we’re maybe months away from meeting each other.
We’re so close.
Their baby is so close.

I can feel it.
Is that weird? My heart is so open. So ready for them.

I want everyone to know this wasn’t a venture I entered into lightly.
That day on the phone with J was 11 years ago. And that wasn’t the first time  I had thought about it. This has always been a part of me. A part of my heart.
I’ve prayed. (isn’t that the standard Mormon answer?)
I’ve prayed a lot. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that it’s MY time.
That my IP’s are so close. I can feel it.

This baby (or babies!!) is ready. And waiting. How can I deny them that?

Will this be easy?? No. It won’t be. I know it’ll be hard. I know it won’t be sunshine and roses all the time. There will be a lot of waiting, a lot of medications and ultimately 10 months of pregnancy followed by (HOPEFULLY) a natural birth. While taking care of my family and my home. But God is bigger than that. HE knows why I’m doing this. He knows it’s because of Him. This is His plan. Not mine or ours. The way it should be. It won’t be easy. (cliche ahead)

IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Do you remember holding your baby for the first time? I can’t wait to see them hold their baby for the first time. That feeling. I can’t wait to witness it. THEIR baby. Don’t ever forget that. THEIR baby.

Will I get attached? If you were with someone 24 hours a day for 10 months, wouldn’t you? Absolutely I expect to get attached. But could you even imagine reuniting that person with their family after that long apart? The tears if joy you’d shed for them?

I can’t wait to reunite them.
To make  their family whole.

I can’t wait.